A Bit More on Security

This is a translation of this page by unknown author. It’s rather old but recently I remembered it for some reason and decided to share.

Day One

A hacker comes to a diner and sees that salt shaker can be opened by anyone and anything can be put inside. The hacker comes home and writes a letter to the diner manager: “I, meG@Duc, have found a salt shaker vulnerability in your diner. A malicious person can open it and put poison there! Please fix it!”

Day Two

Diner manager gets that mail along with other correspondence and shrugs: “What an imagination”

Day Five

The hacker comes to diner and puts some poison into every salt shaker. Three hundred people are dead, a criminal case against manager is closed after three months because there was no crime from his side. The hacker writes a letter “see now?”.

Day Ninety Six

Manager orders special salt shakers with a combination lock. Diner guests feel that they don’t get something.

Day Ninety Seven

Hacker discovers that holes in salt shaker pass salt in both direction (and other substances too). He writes a letter and pisses into ever salt shaker. Three hundred people don’t come there ever again, thirty people went to hospital with poisoning. Hacker sends manager a SMS “How d’ya like it?”. Manager spends three months being interrogated and a year on probation.

Day 188

Manager vows never to work at any diner ever again and be a lumberjack instead. Engineers are working on one-way salt shaker design. Meanwhile waiters remove all old salt shakers and give salt on demand.

Day 190

The hacker steals a salt shaker and researches it at home. Then he writes a new letter to the manager: “I, meG@Duc, stole a salt shaker and find this outraging! Anyone can steal a salt shaker from your diner!” So far abstinent manager goes home and drinks vodka.

Day 193

The hacker discovers that all salt shakers are chained to the tables. He talks about his achievements at the next hacker conference and receives an award for protecting society and customers’ needs. At least manages doesn’t find this out.

Day 194

All hackers from the conference make a devious plan. They go to the diner and take all salt from shakers. meG@Duc then writes another complaint about low customer service and that anyone can deprive everyone else of salt.

Thus a new salt shaker design is needed. Engineers are working on it while waiters still give salt on demand. Manages goes abroad and uses room service only — no cafes, bars or restaurants.

Day 200

Customers discover that in order to get salt they have to call waiter, show their ID and get special 8-digit one-time code for a salt shaker. Repeat the same for pepper.

4 Responses to “A Bit More on Security”

  1. AnonCoward23 says:

    And until day 200, unbeknownst to everyone, the mafia has been using the salt shakers to drug people with mind-altering substances that made them give all their money to the mafia people…

  2. Kostya says:

    This is about security, not conspirology.

  3. Peter says:

    Great story. That wormhole is endless!

  4. iive says:

    A better solution, one-time-use salt packets that you have to tear apart in order to use them, like the sugar ones.

    While I do get the point of this parable, things are never that simple.